DTaylor May Project Reflection

My May Project sent me through a whirlwind of different feeling and emotions. I felt overjoyed, deeply concerned, fearful, nostalgic, and exhausted to name a few. The joy came from knowing that I was having some kind of positive impact on the lives of the kids that  I got to know throughout this past month.  The deep concern came from seeing an alarming amount of kids who are falling behind, potentially leaving them marginalized by society and unable to get ahead. The concern came from a lack of parental support for the kids that the teacher I worked with informed me of. The fear was more of an existential crisis. Sitting everyday in a 2nd grade classroom made me thinking back to my grade school days. I remember them fondly, but the fondness of those memories is always followed by the poignant thought that I’ll never be able to return to them, as well as how I would do things differently if I had the chance. It made the fact that my childhood days are no longer quite apparent to me. I’m an adult until it’s all over. Now,  the exhaustion part is tough to explain, but I’ll give it my best shot. Between running back and forth between the classroom and the copy machine (located conveniently in a different building about 60 feet and a couple flights of stairs away), giving drawn out explanations to students who are having trouble grasping a concept, breaking up scuffles, and partaking in intense games of pickup basketball, the exhaustion made its mark on me by the end of each day. I would say it was worth it.

I spent my May Project at North Side Community School, a PK-5th grade charter school located in North St. Louis in the Kingsway East neighborhood. One of the perks of this is that I had the luxury of being able to walk to and from school. This saved me a lot on gas (Hooray for sustainability). A typical day panned out like this: I would arrive at 8am and report to Mrs. McGull’s 2nd grade classroom. I would do whatever tasks she requested of me, whether it be fetching copies, grading tests, making homemade dough, among others. Sometimes, I would take the initiative of answering some of the student’s questions when they raised their hands, and I think I did a decent job. Lunch was as 11:30. My time between 12pm-5pm was spent in the gymnasium with Mr. Bailey. I would assist him throughout his sequence of classes throughout the afternoon by helping set up and run whatever sports or activity he had planned for that day. Soccer, basketball, battleball (dodgeball), and egg/spoon races were the most common.

An interesting part about my time a NSCS was being given a nickname by a lot of the kids almost immediately. They called me “Hakeem”. This nickname came from Hakeem Lyon, a fictional character from the TV show ‘Empire’ played by Bryshere Y, Gray The kids swore up and down that I resembled this guy so that’s what they decided to call me. It wasn’t too long before I would hear students shouting out “Hey Hakeem!” when they passed me by. I wasn’t too familiar with the show or anything, but I didn’t mind the nickname, even if I think I’m not all that convinced that we look alike. It came to the point where some kids thought it was my real name.

On a more serious note, some of the things I witnessed in the classroom were somewhat alarming. There were some students that couldn’t quite wrap their heads around some of the content that was being covered, while other students were able to keep up. A student that stood out to me was named Brandon. When he was called upon to answer a question, he often had a blank stare on his face, mouth agape as if he has no idea what is going on. When he did speak, he was very quiet, which came across as showing a lack of certainty. One thing he did that didn’t bode well with his teacher, and I imagine this would be the case with any teacher, was when he was given a worksheet and would fill in answers at random, leaving words misspelled when often word banks were provided in the margins of the page. I was very curious as to why some things just didn’t stick with him and why he refused to do his work correctly, even though his improvement on his tests showed that he was capable. Ms. McGull, when I spoke with her about it, stated that a big part of the issue with a lot of the students is a lack of parental guidance and support with their academics. Whenever Ms. McGull would inform a parent that their child was struggling and needed help, the parents would sometimes refuse to heed those warnings and sometimes respond in a confrontational manner, aggressively claiming that there’s nothing wrong with their child. Ms. McGull was one of a handful of African-American teachers at NSCS and the rest were white. Some were very young and fresh out of college. It was brought to my knowledge that taking a job in an inner-city school like NSCS presents these graduates with higher wages, which has an obvious appeal. The fact that some of the teachers were white presented the possibility of there being a disconnect between the students and their teachers which Ms. Mcgull clarified for me. There are a lot of things about growing up in an impoverished, inner-city, African-American household that a white person privileged enough to receive a college education just wouldn’t understand. The issue of relatability between students and teachers could, without a doubt, cause issues. I know that I, for one, am more receptive to those who have gone through similar things as I have, mainly similar struggles and shortcomings.

In areas where the parents may not be doing all that they should be, Ms. McGull make a tremendous effort to pick up the slack. It was evident that she was very passionate about her students learning and had very little tolerance for nonsense. When a student’s behavior was unruly, she would often note how those behaviors won’t fly in the context of the real world, which is what all those kids will have to face some day. There was a fair amount of tears shed in the classroom by the students, often the result of being upset or frustrated about something. When a student started to tear up because he didn’t understand a problem, Ms. McGull sternly reminded him and the rest of the class that they will never find the answers that they’re looking for by crying or throwing fits. Not only did she want the kids to learn the material, she wanted them to be more mature and rational, making them more fit to thrive in their academic and professional lives.

It wasn’t always a strict environment. During my 2nd week at NSCS, the students were taking an online standardized exam that tested their math and reading skills. They must have done a similar test at the beginning of the year, because at the end of their testing, Ms. McGull compared their new scores to their old ones. All 19 students had made significant improvements and I couldn’t have been prouder. I couldn’t help but smile as the kids came over and gave me high fives and fist bumps while eagerly telling me what scores they earned. Ms. McGull rewarded their high marks by putting together a class party where the kids all enjoyed snacks, beverages, and each other’s company.   

I found my May Project to be a very meaningful experience. Being someone who the students could talk to, crack jokes with, and look to for help was very gratifying. Some of these students I discovered were even my neighbors, and most (if not all) were St. Louis residents, meaning that in the future, the paths that they carve out for themselves in life can and will affect the community and potentially the world that we all inhabit. It is my only hope that these kids continue on the path of becoming educated and avoid the turmoil that comes with being raised in a low-income area. This project also made me very grateful that my parents, despite not having much, chose to put education first with my sisters and I by making sacrifices and finding a way to get 3 kids through private school from elementary school all the way to college. It also compels me to want to really make something of myself so that all their hard work, as well as mine, are not in vain. I did a lot of thinking and I had a fair amount of fun during my May Project, and I’m walking away from it a changed man. Thank you.

Last day :(

Last Day

It's the last day today :(. I kind of sad, kind of excited to have more free time. The end of May project really does signify the end of high school work. That's such a strange thought, one that hasn't sunk in yet, and I'm not sure if I want it to sink in.

Two horses were transported to Mizzou for euthanasia today, the incredible sweet, big teddy bear of a horse, Summit the Percheron. Summit was looking a little rough. This is one of the quarantine horses I mentioned earlier. She wasn't gaining weight as fast as the vet wanted her to, and her cataracts had gotten severely worse. Luckily though, she did live a pretty long life to age 22, which is middle-aged for a horse. It's sad to think that a large portion of her life was spent in abusive and neglectful hands. The other horse sent for euthanasia was a quarter horse named Shaw. This was very surprising as Shaw was a spirited horse who, on the outside, you would guess was perfectly find. Shaw had already gone through quarantine and was actually up for adoption. Apparently over the weekend Shaw was diagnosed with a debilitating illness and the vet urged Long Meadow to him down. Shaw played in the pasture with his friends up until the day he was diagnosed. It was incredibly surprising and so sad to see this happen. Euthanasia is a tough decision to make when you're in the position of the Long Meadow staff. Do you spend extra time, energy, and resources on a horse that has a bleak future or put those resources towards a horse that needs them to be rehabilitated or same from an abusive home? It is especially tough when the horse is like Shaw, who seems, on the outside, perfectly normal. I believe Long Meadow made the right decision, and now Mizzou students can practice an inevitable procedure for their time in vet school.

Kind of a bummer of a way to end the run, seeing some of the horses you've bonded with go, but I still had an incredibly valuable time with unforgettable memories. And after the trailer returned empty from dropping Summit and Shaw off at Mizzou, Katherine and I were tasked with cleaning it: a perfect way to end the experience. We started with cleaning the trailer and finished with cleaning the trailer.

Final update

I already talked about the roof, but I will backpedal a little and talk about the building of the walls. Each wall was basically a giant board which we put blueboard on top of. Then, we nailed more wooden boards on top of that. After it was ready, we all stood in a line and lifted the wall all the way up. Then someone came in a put in the metal braces. They are temporary post-like things that nail into the top of the wall and the floor. I'm not sure how the walls will actually be held up in the end, since these braces were still there when we built the roof. Later, someone had to go around with a level -- a metal rod with a chamber of liquid inside -- and make sure the walls were completely vertical.

I think building was the most fulfilling part of my May Project. School teaches you what you can do with your mind, but building teaches you that you can make something with your body. Sure, I've worked out before. But sports, while fun, always felt to me like a waste of energy, like a contribution to the heat death of the universe. But when I'm on the build site, I know that I'm literally making a better life for someone with my hands, and that feels amazing. Even the team building aspect rivals that of sports. This might sound cheesy, but it really doesn't matter what age or religion you are on the build site. You know that the person beside you is there for the same reason as you are -- because they care about people and community.

When I think about my time in the office, I relate to Kamau's experience a little bit. The fundraising, administrative side just isn't quite as sexy. And although I knew intellectually that I was helping out, I couldn't see the impact quite as much. There was a lot of stuff about recognizing volunteers and donors. I'm not saying they shouldn't be recognized, but I would rather volunteer myself.

Not gonna lie, I agree with Rebecca. This whole blogging thing has felt kind of force and like homework. Not sure if I've gotten much out of it, but oh well. But the experience on the whole has been positive and I'm really glad I decided to work for Habitat.

Thursday May 19th

Thursday May 19th

The day started off the same again. We helped feed and started cleaning stalls. This morning, however, they sent us up to the Menagerie barn early to get started with the pigs. The pigs were especially amicable today. Even the big black pig on the end, Patrick (a fantastic pig name), just stayed in the corner and watched us clean his stall, and he even let us pet him once we were done (only once though).

Katherine and I decided to sweep and scrub the aisle in Menagerie (which we do not normally do) just to go the extra mile. Coincidentally (we really didn't know), there was a donor tour today. Thank god we cleaned a little extra today. When we came back down from Menagerie there was a large crowd of well-dressed older couples perusing the spotless barn. Apparently this happens once every few months in oder to raise enough mulah to keep the barn running. Unfortunately, at the worst possible time, Addie and Macy, 2 normally well behaved horses, decided to get in a skirmish in their neighboring stalls. There was some loud banging as the horses hit against the stalls walls and doors. The doors freaked out a bit as the were literally right next to the fight, and all of the barn hands came running. They calmed the horses down and switched Addie to a stall across the aisle where Cinna was. Hopefully this did not affect any of the donor's charitable inclinations.

We ended the day with a free Bread Co. catered lunch provided by the donors (chocolate chip cookie included!).

Tuesday May 17th

Tuesday May 17th

The day started out like normal, Katherine and I carpooled, we helped toss hay for morning feeding, and we got started on mucking horse stalls. At 8:00 AM we helped bring in the horses who are on night turn out. Many of the night turn out horses are red stars, but most of the staff has learned to trust Katherine and I's horse experience and has been letting us handle these horses.

However, there are still a few horses we cannot handle. There is a gorgeous white horse named Yeti, with glass (white/gray/light blue) eyes that was recently gelded and is on a 30 day waiting period to allow excess testosterone to exit his system. There is another recently gelded stallion named Cash. Cash, unlike Yeti, has not mellowed since the surgery. He still exhibits combative attitude toward other males and goes for almost every mare he sees when let out. For this reason, he has been put in "solitary confinement" (in his own paddock) until the vets have a chance to look and see if they missed anything during the gelding.

Speaking of vets, when Katherine and I drove up this morning, to our surprise there actually more that 3 cars parked in the gravel parking lot. In fact, there were around 30, and a bunch of college-age people milling around talking in jeans and scrub tops. It turns out, a local vet college came to practice equine sedation and giving shots to horses. This is a win-win for Long Meadow and the College since the students are able to receive practical, in-field training and practice while Long Meadow receives free medical care for the horses like surgical procedures and vaccinations during the students' practice (usually very costly procedures).

We usually take our 10 AM break in a big conference room that overlooks the riding arena. Today, when we went upstairs with coffee and a granola bar for morning break, the vet students were observing a real gelding operation in the arena. Such a pleasant show to go with morning snack!

How we built the roof, etc.

I thought I would tell you a little more about the construction of the houses. Last Friday we were putting up the roof. Warning: this description would probably make a real construction worker sad.

They had already laid down some boards so that we could work up high. There was a net underneath us, but you could still fall off the edge of the building. Walking around was pretty tough, since space was limited and you had to be careful not to fall. It was mildly terrifying at first, but I got used to it eventually. This huge machine lifted up the triangularish roof pieces and set them near the front of the house. Then we dragged each of them down and nailed them into the boards below us. After we had that done, there was a lot of securing of things to be done. We had to nail down a bunch of metal plates with holes in them to keep things together.

On my house we had an interfaith group volunteering with us. There was this one Mormon boy who was 17. For insurance reasons he had to stay on the ground the whole day. His job ended up being fetching things for the people working on the roof. It was kind of pathetic in a funny way.

I met this guy named Yenum who goes to Principia and had to do a similar project for his school. Near the end of the day he interviewed some of the volunteers and staff who had been around for a long time. They were all so enthusiastic about using their time and their bodies to give back to people. My whole Habitat experience has been pretty awesome and inspiring, and I definitely hope to return and build some time in the future.

Yesterday was my last day and I was at the Restore. Harper called me up into her office to give me a goodie bag of Habitat schwag. Although I feel like I barely did anything for her, she was so grateful to have had me around.

Gigantic May Project Update

     So I worked at the YWCA under Ms. Amy Hunter, and helped her with some of the diversity initiatives she runs, such as witnessing whiteness, a program for white people discussing white privilege and other things that come with being white in the world we live in, so reel, a program of videos, and speakers addressing various topics of diversity, and I also helped with general updates to the YWCA website, cataloging information, and voicing my opinion in regards to certain topics.

 I am not entirely finished with my project yet. I still have some videos to finish for so reel, but so far I would describe my project as informative, but not really rewarding. I work with animals a lot which is why I decided to do something in diversity for my may project, and I did learn a fair amount about what diversity work looks like. I say my project didn't feel rewarding because sometimes it felt as though I wasn't really working at all. The day could have felt more like shadowing, or something like that. For example, my first day, I showed up to the YWCA center, and I went to a meeting Ms. Hunter had, but it turned out the meeting really didn't apply to either of us, and because of this it was just a couple of hours of my time not well spent. By the time the day ended I had been there about five hours, and really hadn't done anything. I felt bad because this was not the only day something like that happened. It happened my second day as well, and last Wednesday I went to a conference with her. I couldn't really help at all at the conference though, and ultimately just ended up watching her presentation concerning privilege defined by zip codes in Saint Louis. It was an interesting talk, but she gave it multiple times and there was honestly no point in listening to it again, so I ended up in the hallway without much to do given my lack of a laptop or anything to do other work. It’s just moments like those that made it feel as though I wasn’t actually doing anything productive with my may project.

I feel the other reason it did not feel rewarding is that the projects I do are all by myself, or without any people around. For instance, although I have talked with Ms. Hunter concerning the Witnessing Whiteness group, I have never been to a meeting concerning it because I have track practice everyday and still do. Therefore, I never actually see how the work we do applies to other people. I only see the process. With the videos, I won’t know how effective they actually turned out to be because I will be gone when they are used. And redesigning a website doesn’t seem to have much of an impact either. I guess I just expected to work with people more, rather than do work that people would eventually see.

Ms. Hunter and I did meet with some groups struggling to improve their diversity initiatives however. It was interesting, because many things I hadn’t actually thought of in regards to diversity in the workplace were brought to light, and seeing Ms. Hunter’s way of handling it gave me a better idea of what the work looked like. The main problem they had identified was getting people committed to the work they were doing in diversity. Ms. Hunter pointed out their ways of subconsciously excluding people despite the message of inclusion they were trying to emphasize, in addition to their lack of a clear goal or reason for even having the initiatives. It was brought to their attention that they seemed to solely be doing these diversity initiatives because they felt it was “the right thing to do” or because it “made them feel good,” and this was one of the main problems because they need to have a set plan and set goals so that they can work towards something, and know when they are and are not successful. She also brought up an interesting point, in that they were trying to “increase the diversity of their staff” far beyond the clientele they were serving. For example, one woman’s concern was not having enough transgender people in the staff. Even though only two percent of their clientele was transgender, and roughly one percent of their staff was. The point being that she was focused too much on doing things that made her feel good about her actions rather than things that were actually more crucial, such as the issues of race within their faculty, etc. Seeing this transaction actually helped my understanding of diversity work a ton, and that is why it is one of the most memorable experiences I’ve had so far.

In regards to the work I’ve been doing, I was mainly tasked with two so reel videos. These videos serve the purpose of starting a dialogue within whatever group wants to use it for whatever diversity work they see fit. There will be events showcasing the videos, but I believe they can be used later. This year the focus is more towards women as a whole. The two I was tasked with deal with racism in the LGBTQ community, and “Not in her name.” The first is self explanatory, but the second addresses the use of “white woman fragility” to justify racial violence, and the pushback by white women to declare an end to the using of them to justify heinous acts such as the charleston shooting, or Emmett Till. Designing these videos actually is much more difficult than I thought. Partially because want to make sure they are actually worth viewing and that they do the job they are supposed to. Mainly I read articles concerning the topics, and attempt to find videos online addressing the topic that I can weave together. They are supposed to be somewhere around 10 minutes, and especially considering my inexperience in creating videos it has not been easy.

I have also been charged with redesigning the YWCA website in regards to diversity. The website hasn’t been updated for years, so many of the things on it are outdated, and I need to find more relevant topics to add. It doesn’t help that the form I have to use for making changes is very hard to use, especially when there are as many changes as I am suggesting, which hinders the process significantly. Mainly I was told to focus on the resource section. So, I am partially just going through the resources, seeing which ones no longer apply, and deleting them, while also finding new ones. This means researching which books have been successful in the recent past, and also finding videos concerning various diversity topics, and finding some poetry addressing them too, which is honestly my favorite part because I like poetry to begin with.

I have been working from home this past week because Ms. Hunter is actually in the middle of switching jobs and working in Children’s hospital. She partially stayed an extra week just because I was supposed to work with her and she wasn’t aware of the job when we initially talked. It’s kind of unfortunate simply because I don’t work as hard from home, but it works. I can’t actually go into the YWCA really because she is the only one that does her job there. There aren’t really others in the diversity field to her extent, and that’s why I’ve just been at home finishing the projects I was given. That’s another part of why this whole experience hasn’t been all that rewarding. It’s just different compared to the volunteering I’m used to. Like at the Zoo I worked with animals and actually people, quite often, and it was very clear when you were successful educating people, and when you were actually helpful to the animals and people working there. In the Humane Society, seeing a dog get adopted was one of the best feelings given the level of celebration and what not when it happened, but that type of stuff doesn’t happen at the YWCA, because why should it? At the Humane Society, I could see the change I was making consistently, and it felt rewarding because of that. The same can’t be said of my work this May, and that is the main reason for my lack of fulfillment. Yah I might be helpful, but it doesn’t feel like my work is all that important, or impactful. Partially because I won’t get to see any impact. I know work of that kind takes time, but still there just wasn’t the same level of excitement or anything when I went there. It was more so just something I was doing instead of being at home. I enjoyed Ms. Hunter’s company, and I learned a lot from her, but the experience as a whole seems lack luster, and honestly like I don’t actually deserve to get all of my may project hours, but I also have reached a certain level of apathy where that doesn’t matter too much anymore, and I kinda just want to finish it and be done.

Final Update

The past few days in the warehouse have been a lot of sorting and counting. We counted toiletries and hygiene kits and books and stuffed animals. We also spent an afternoon rearranging one section of the warehouse to make it easier to fill orders. We haven't gone to a school in a while because the school year is ending so instead we've been inventorying.

Yesterday we went to school and collected the boxes we had put out for donations. We brought in a lot of stuffed animals and books and some school supplies.

I really enjoyed my may project. While it was a bit tedious at times (too much counting) and my hands ended up smelling like soap on multiple occasions, it was amazing to see the impact of what I was doing and how grateful the children were. The work that the Little Bit Foundation does is great and helps out the children and their families so much. I'm really glad that I had the opportunity to work with them.